Now it is over. T Pluto Capricorn square Pluto 6°32 Libra

Creating a vacuum means creating space for the new.

I am empty now.

Pluto is transiting my first house, leaving the conjunction to natal Juno, leaving the square to natal ninth house Pluto in Libra.

My natal Juno in first house square Pluto is my tendency to devote myself to committed, fixed, rigid and structured relationships, with a strong dose of power issues. I like it basic. I like to devote myself. I like the granite under my feet. I like safety and security. I like to fight and to set limits. And I need a partner who is there for me. Actions speaks louder than words. This is emphasized by my natal Saturn in Cancer, 7th house.
This transit changed my image of relationships and of my limits.

In all long-term relationships I adapted myself in important points to the needs of my partner, such as, which kind of structure in real space the relationship should have.

It was enough for me to adapt, as long my need for (apparent) security was met.

This Pluto transit brought lots of smoldering issues to the surface.

I learnt that “I love you” from someone,  in a long-distance relationship, is very nice, so far my real need for a partner in my “real life” does not meddle with that concept.

I learnt about my need for distance, that made my allowance for unhealthy structures possible: nobody can come close this way.

I learnt about my need for intimacy.

I learnt that, even if it feels like dying, cutting an emotional cord is not dying.

I cut many cords since the beginning of 2011.

It felt like dying many times.

Iron, hot, sharp edges.

Smelling hot metal.

Metal grinding on metal.

Railroad tracks.

Creaking.

Grinding.

Oil.

Tearing apart.

Expectations.

Wholeness.

Grief.

Staying away.

Disintegrating.

Aching  solar plexus (separation anxiety, anger, disappointment, but mostly fear).

Existential tears.

Hurting lungs.

Setting limits.

Twisted self, ripped apart.

Jealousy. Acquired property. Control.

Grinded between.

Emotions, consistence of raw oil, tough, smelling of underworld.

Letting go fears.

Letting go structures.

Letting go disappointments.

Making space.

Permeable.

(20.10.2012 – Note to myself: When you think you are finished, better expect the extra load coming.)

T Pluto Capricorn square Pluto 6°32 Libra / conj. Juno

D 06.02.2011 / R 15.06.2011 / D 10.12.2011 / R 18.09.2012 (up to 6°57

T Pluto conj. Juno 7°02 Capricorn

D 25.02.2011 / R 24.05.2011 / D 24.12.2011 / R 31.08.2012 / D 6.10.2012

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